Managing Expectations When Someone You Know Is Grieving
If we are grieving, then we are grieving at 100%. You are either grieving or you are not grieving. This means there is no way grievers can wholeheartedly show up for someone else. This is why so many relationships, friendships, and marriages fail during tragedy and long periods of grief. We all know we have to put the oxygen masks on ourselves before we can help anyone else.
So, why do we place expectations on the grieving people in our lives? Oftentimes, grievers are also suffering from anxiety, sleep deprivation, and/or PTSD. Placing expectations on grievers under this much stress is surely going to blow up in your face.
You cannot control the time frame or the intensity of someone else's grieving process. Being there for someone who is grieving requires patience and the knowledge that you cannot fix them. This is not the time to take on the griever as your personal project and manage their experience for them. The more you try to fix them the more you light up their adrenals....fight or flight is engaged....and now you are fighting with your griever or you are left wondering why they have stopped responding to you. Neither of which are the path to love and a deeper connection.
Most of us were never really taught how to handle grief in our own lives and certainly not how to effectively show up for others who are grieving. When we are grieving ourselves, it does not mean we do not care or want to help the people we love with their grief, we just cannot. We are grieving at 100%, and we are stuck, without taking actions to heal our broken hearts. #griefrecoverytexas #griefrecoverymethod
Until the griever can do the work to heal their broken hearts, the best thing you can do is abandon all expectations of them and for your relationship. Show up with breakfast tacos and allow them to welcome you into their hearts. #breakfasttacosarethewaytomyheart